


When he holds my hand

by Luckybug



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Bisexual Keith, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Pining Lance (Voltron), Reunions, klance, story telling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 05:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13710468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luckybug/pseuds/Luckybug
Summary: Lance recalls all of his memories of Keith to Pidge, moments before he's forced to confront him five years after their last meeting.





	When he holds my hand

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just a vent fic for me, but none the less i hope you enjoy it.

Lance knew Pidge was getting irritated by the tapping of his foot, he just knew it, but as he stared at the clock there was nothing he could do to tame the pitter-patter of his shoe. How was he supposed to calm down when he’d be seeing Keith again after the incident? Granted, it wasn’t his fault, or maybe he supposed it was. Maybe it was god punishing him for being Gay and attempting to cover it up by over compensating.

Either way, Highschool hadn’t been to kind to him and had been the final step in losing his best friend, maybe forever. Well he hoped not, maybe this meeting would be what they needed to rekindle old flames. But it had been nearly five years and 23, while not that far from 18, were very different ages. Lance was very different, and he was sure Keith was as well.

As Lance stared into the coffee cup Pidge sighed and looked at Lance again. “Maybe if you talk about it you’ll feel better, why don’t you start from the beginning. Keith never told me how you guys met, start and go from there.”

Lance drops his head onto his hand, propped up on the table of the coffee shop. He took a deep breath and looked out the window.

“We met in kindergarten.” He huffed air through his nose. “But I suppose we met when I was in kindergarten. Keith had just started the first grade, but he had moved next door to my aunts house, so everytime I was over there he’d come over and we’d play sword fight and dinosaurs.”

_“You like crust on your samiches?” Lances asked, small hands taking the now de-crusted sandwich from his aunts hands as the two sat in the sunny kitchen. Keith, sporting a band-aid on his cheek nodded as he bit into the peanut butter and jelly sandwich._

_“I do. Shiro says it’s the best part and he knows everything.”_

_Lance wrinkled his nose as he watched Keith chew. “How does he know everything?” Lance asks biting into his bologna sandwich._

_“He’s 13.”_

_Lance raised his eyebrow but nodded his head. “Oh ok, so he’s a grownup then.”_

_Keith nodded as he took a drink from his glass of milk. “Yeah, he knows how to read well and everything. He can even do multipl-multiply-the times tables in his head!” Keith grins, scooting his dinosaur over the table closer to Lance._

_Lance took the dinosaur and smiled at it before drinking from his juice box. “Aunt Maria said we could go swimming after we eat because she’s going to read a book outside by the pool.”_

_“Oh! Ok, I’ll get my bathing suit and we can go. Do you have your floaties here?” Keith asked, scooting out of the chair, his sandwich already eaten._

_“I don’t need them anymore.” A confident smirk took place on Lances face as he looked down at keith who was walking to the door, but froze when Lance spoke._

_“No way! You learned how to swim!?”_

_“I did.” He smiled, placing his hands on his hip and standing up as well, not forgetting to grab the small plastic dinosaur._

_“You have to show me come on!” Keith grabbed lances hand and dragged him from the house running across the lawn to his house. Lance didn’t know why, but he really liked when Keith held his hand._

He watches the small smile form on Pidges face as he recalls the memory of one of their first playdates. He didn’t know why that particular memory stood out to him amongst the rest of their memories frolicking back and forth between houses, but it did and he wasn’t complaining. They had spent many days on that lawn, so many memories on it.

_“You would think it would be a little colder on Christmas eve huh?” Keith laughed, kicking the soccer ball back over to Lance. The younger boy shrugged, looking up at his friend before glancing inside the large window at their large combined families singing karaoke in the living room._

_“Eh, we live in Florida, we don’t really have winter.”_

_“Fair enough.” Keith stopped the soccer ball with his foot once Lance kicked it back. “Did you finish that bridge project for your science class?” He asked, leaning down and picking it up._

_Lance chuckled and dropped onto the grass sitting down. “No way man, you know I’ve been playing Ocarina of Time all break.”_

_Keith rolled his eyes and looked over at him. “You do want to move on to the seventh grade don’t you?”_

_“Of course I do, then we’ll be at the same school again.”_

_“Yeah I can’t wait, then I’ll finally have someone to eat lunch with that I like.” Lance felt his cheeks get warm, he liked when Keith talked about him. He liked knowing he was Keith’s best and favorite friend._

_“What’re you two doing out there?” The two boys looked over their shoulder at Shiro who was holding out two envelopes, Allura, Lance’s sister, holding his other hand._

_“Get your butts inside and lets open our presents from everyone ok!” she called, leaning into Shiros side. The two turned to eachother and smiled before shoving one another out of the way racing towards the door. Keith gave him a particularly hard shove and he dropped to the floor. He narrowed his eyes as Keith laughed loudly, though he accepted his hand and the two walked inside like that._

_Lance still didn’t know why, but he really like it, when Keith held his hand._

“Are your families still that close?” Pidge asks, looking out the window as well.

“Yeah they are, but after my junior year, both of us stopped going to the family events.”

“You said you had a falling out in middle school. Why?”

“Well, the popular kids liked me, or I guess…they liked my money.”

Highschool, as Lance had thought earlier had been hell. He supposed though, it had started at the end of middle school.

_“We never even liked Lance.”_

_“Yeah, his backyard was just really nice for parties, and because his family has money they always have lots of videogames and snacks at the house.”_

_Lance gripped his throat, it felt like the air was being forced out of his lungs as he stood by the wall  near the entrance of the bathroom. What? This couldn’t be right, it couldn’t be Lotor saying that. They were friends, they hung out every weekend._

_“Yeah he’s so annoying and never stops talking. Plus, he’s kind of weird.”_

_Ezor? They weren’t being serious this had to be a joke. His stomach was in nots and he couldn’t even run to the bathroom because they were blocking it._

_“But yeah, after 8 th grade ends, we’re going to different high schools anyway so we’re just going to stop talking to him.”_

_He dropped his head against the wall taking a deep breath as he recounted all of the countless memories he had with these…with these jerks. All of the movie nights and lunches. All of the school field trips and club events. Had they really always been talking behind his back like that?_

_Well, he supposed it made sense. He did always feel like they were all laughing at some joke, some joke that he didn’t understand. But now he did. It was him, he was the joke. And he had laughed along with him._

_He didn’t remember much of his middle school graduation. It was a blur of meaningless goodbyes and numb hugs. But he did remember seeing Keith walking towards him with a smile and a card. He remembered feeling his heart beat pick up as he saw his bestfriend, his bestfriend whom he had neglected because the ‘popular kids’ had hung out with him._

_He did remember crying on Keiths shoulder, and Keith not saying much but he held him and eventually, took his hand in his and squeezed._

_“I don’t know what happened.” The now fourteen year old boy spoke. “and I won’t ask what happened, but know that no matter what, I’m always going to be here for you.” Lance looked down at their intertwined hands but for once, he felt numb. Everything felt numb._

“And Middle school was just the beginning Pidge.”

_Lance stared at the wall of Keiths kitchen, it was now freshly painted blue and for some reason he couldn’t stand the color. It made everything feel worse, it made his head feel even more clouded. He stared at his phone and chewed on his lip at the name popping up._

_Plaxum._

_He was convinced he loved this girl, he was. She smelt good and they both loved anime, but she had a boyfriend. He didn’t care, they were best friends and if he couldn’t date her then, well, he’d be the best friend she’d ever had._

_“You really like her?” Keith asked, as they sat on his kitchen counter around 3 am._

_“I do.” He says softly. “I really do.”_

_“But she doesn’t like you?” Lance shook his head slowly staring blankly at the fridge._

_“I thought…I thought it was different this time…you know? I thought maybe….i thought maybe we’d have a chance since well, we’ve been friends since the beginning of freshman year. I hoped maybe she’d realize that her boyfriend was dragging her down and maybe during one of these movie nights she’d realize she was in love with me.” Lance felt the tear streak down his face but he kept talking. “She made me feel so important you know? She always told me how talented I was, h-how much I meant to her… She just… she made everything that was dull start to brighten up.”_

_Keith frowned but placed his hand on Lance’s. “She doesn’t deserve you Lance.”_

_Lance shook his head biting his lip and taking a quivering breath. “No…I don’t deserve her.” Keith was about to speak but Lance broke down dropping his head on his shoulder._

_“He told everyone Keith. He told everyone that- that I was...” Lance couldn’t even speak he was shaking so hard. “The whole freshman class w-won’t even talk to m-me.” He cried. “Th-they all look at me l-like I was scum th-that tried to f-fuck his girlfriend. I-I didn’t even care about that! I just wanted to be her friend. I m-miss her so much.” He sobs. “B-but she wont even l-look at me.”_

_“I know Lance. I know. People can be horrible.” He whispers gently patting his back. Lance sniveled as he watched Shiro walk into the kitchen holding a cup before chewing his lip._

_“You guys ok?”_

_Lance just dropped into Keiths shoulder and Keith continued to rub his back. “We’re fine.” Lance reached forwards gripping onto Keiths hand and his bestfriend gave him a reassuring squeeze. “We’re fine.”_

Pidge quirked an eyebrow. “I still don’t see how this is leading up to you and Keith never speaking again?”

Lance sighed and looked up. “Well we weren’t always like that Pidge. Keith started to do his own thing which of course I don’t blame him, he was a junior by this time and about to be a senior. He had proms and new friends and a car.” He snorts out a laugh. “And a girlfriend. Sometimes, you just drift apart I guess.”

_Lance sat down in the library during lunch and stared at the bookshelves. Things didn’t really seem to matter anymore. So what everyone thought he was a whore who would sleep with anyone who even looked at him. So what, Keith had a different lunch than him so he never ate and sat in the library alone. So what his family didn’t seem to have the time of day for him anymore. It didn’t matter. Even Keiths new girlfriend didn’t matter. Nothing mattered._

_Deep down he knew he was lying, he had no idea why he held so much hatred for Keiths girlfriend. He should be happy for his bestfriend. He was happy, and he cared for her so why did his stomach fill with nots everytime he saw them together? Why did Jealousy burn so furiously in his heart, why did he feel the urge to curl into a ball and cry whenever they held hands._

_There it was._

_He was in love with Keith. He cursed himself the rest of his sophomore year, avoiding hanging out with the two because he could never see Keith without seeing Nyma with him. He was always that third wheel and maybe…maybe that’s just who he was meant to be. The useless, unimportant third wheel._

_Days seemed to blend together and before he knew it sophomore year was coming to a close and honestly, he couldn’t wait for it to be over. For this whole year to forgotten and behind him. Hopefully the summer would be enough time for everyone to forget the awful lies that were being spread through the school and hopefully he’d have Keith back as well._

_He was wrong. Summer felt like an endless prison of sitting in his bedroom and being yelled at for things he didn’t even remember doing. His brain felt as though it had been set to autopilot and nothing was truly felt anymore._

_His bestfriend had to make time to see him. He was no longer number one to anyone, or anything. He wasn’t his families shining boy anymore. No, he was uncle Lance and no matter what he did it wasn’t as good as his older brother or as adorable as his nephew. You have straight A’s Lance? Well Mateo was on the presidents list and had schools offering his scholarships his sophomore year as well. You got first place at your swim meet? Well Amelia has dozens of plaques for her superiors on her violin solos._

_Nothing was good enough, but he supposed it didn’t matter either. His room didn’t matter. His clothes didn’t matter. His body didn’t matter. His life didn’t matter. That thought made him freeze. He stared at the wall of his bedroom before picking up his phone and dialing Keiths number with shaky hands._

_“Hey Lance what’s up? I haven’t heard from you in a while. How’re you doing?”_

_Lance chewed his tongue before answering. “I’m uh…I’m doing fine.” He lied, hoping Keith would see through it. His Keith would see through it._

_“Awesome, I was thinking maybe we could talk later? I’m with Nyma right now.”_

_Lance deflated and nodded though he realized Keith couldn’t see him. “Oh ok. Yeah that’s fine.”_

_“Or hey! Why don’t you come and hang out with me Nyma and her friend Rolo. We could all go hang out somewhere.”_

_And lance had agreed. Agreed mainly because he had missed his best friend more than anything in the world, but as he watched Keith and Nyma walk along in front of them, holding hands, Lance felt as though things were starting to sink even more._

“Didn’t you date some guy named Rolo?” Pidge asked, sipping her cup of coffee looking over his shoulder before turning back to Lance.

“Yeah I did, he was ok but I mean it didn’t last long. It didn’t help that I was comparing him to Keith in every single way.”

_“What do you mean he just sopped talking to you?” Keith asked as they sat down on a bench in the park. Keith had already graduated highschool and Lance was nearing the winter break of his senior year._

_“Exactly what I said. He just stopped talking to me. I thought things were going good ya know? The last time I actually saw him was at the junior prom. He refused to dance with me, went and talked to his friends the whole night ya know.”_

_“That’s why you came and danced with me and Nyma.” Keith said looking down at Lance._

_“Yup.” He answered, popping the P. “Well after that, our texts got smaller, I would message him and he’d give me short answers and then one day he just stopped responding all together. Blocked me from his social media and blocked my number.” Lance laughed bitterly leaning back against the bench._

_“Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_Lance felt the anger welling up in his stomach. The bitterness of being treated so horrible by everyone, he was sick of always being second best. Of being the last resort. Even now, Keith was only with him because Nyma was visiting her family on winter break._

_“Well I would have Keith but you haven’t exactly been very present now have you.” He snapped. He felt Keith bristle next to him before looking over._

_“And what exactly does that mean Lance.”_

_“What I mean is, I was going to tell you after graduation but you left so fast. And then you left for college without so much as stopping and seeing me! You just left! Packed your bags and left with your stupid girlfriend! How do you think that made me feel Keith?”_

_“Well it’s not like I had an obligation to tell you anything.” Keith hissed._

_“We were bestfriends Keith what the fuck!”_

_“Where we? I don’t really remember us hanging out all that much before I graduated.”_

_“Because you were always with Nyma!”_

_“Well we invited you to hang out with us!”_

_“Well I’m sorry I don’t always feel like third wheeling with you and your girlfriend.”_

_“That’s not my fault!”_

_“You didn’t think maybe I’d want to hang out with you alone? Like we used to do!?”_

_Keith recoiled but his anger resurfaced quickly. “Why are you so upset!? It’s not like we’re dating Lance!”_

_That stung, it stung so bad Lance felt as though he’d been physically slapped by Keith. And fuck there go the tears._

_“You’re such an asshole! I was suffering!” He yelled and watched as Keith froze._

_“I was suffering so much through highschool and you weren’t there for me! You weren’t there! You said we were fine you’re such a fucking liar! I tried to kill myself you asshole! I tried to kill myself and I couldn’t even do that right. Do you know what I went through when my mom found out I was dating a boy?! She didn’t talk to me for three months and when she did do you know what the first words out of her mouth was? That I was disgusting, that what I was doing was disgusting and when I called you, you didn’t answer because you were out with your fucking girlfriend. You were the only person I had and you weren’t there Keith!” He yelled balling up his fists._

_He shifted his gaze to a tree in the background._

_“I didn’t know.”_

_“Yeah I know. And that was the problem. You didn’t know, and I didn’t tell you so whatever. It’s in the past, just forget about it. Actually, just forget about me. You’ve been doing a great job with that anyway it shouldn’t be too hard now.”_

“And I left. And that was the last time I saw Keith.”

“So you never told him you were in love with him.”

Lance looks at Pidge as though she were insane. “I would never have done that while he was dating someone. Listen I may have been unhappy but Keith didn’t need to be. We were young and it was a stupid fight and it costed me my best friend of 16 years. I just want to be able to tell him I regret that day in the park.”

“You just did.” Lance raises an eyebrow in alarm before turning around and looking directly at Keith. He’d gotten more muscular, though that was all that changed. He was still sporting that ridiculous mullet.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” Lance asks, now standing up as well.

“Long enough…I didn’t…I never thought…Lance.” Keith breaths moving closer to him and gently taking his hands in his. “I’m so stupid.” He whispers. Lance stares, completely frozen as Keith looks up at him.

“I had no idea why didn’t you…I didn’t know I hurt you that much.”

The snarky comment escaped lances lips before he could stop it. “Well you weren’t the only one so don’t feel too special.”

Keith didn’t seem effected by the low blow at all. “I didn’t know you were suffering so much for so long.” He whispers still holding onto Lance’s hands, though Lance didn’t make any sign of trying to remove them.

“I’m fine now. People grow up and move on.”

“But you shouldn’t have had to deal with that alone…I…I’m so sorry. Five years is a long time to wait before apologizing but I was so scared…I was so afraid that you hated me and I didn’t think I deserved to come back to you after that day. I hadn’t meant anything I said I was just upset that you were calling me out. I was upset that I was in the wrong and I didn’t want to be and you suffered because of it.”

“It’s ok Keith.” Lance whispers, tears forming in his eyes. Pidge grins from the booth, sipping her coffee.

“It’s not ok, I want to make it up to you. Let me… Let me take you on a date.”

Lance nearly choked on his saliva. “What? A date? What about Nyma?”

“We broke up Lance, we broke up right after I had that conversation with you in the park…”

“What!? Why!?”

“Because after that day in the park, I realized I was in love with you.” Lance recoiled staring at Keith before letting out a wet laugh.

“Oh my god. We’re idiots.”

“Yeah, we are.” Keith chuckles giving Lance’s hands a squeeze. Pidge stood up and smiled at the two of them.

“That was a heartwarming reunion after a tear jerking story, why don’t you two catch up here. I’ll get going and maybe the two of you could meet up with me and Matt and Shiro and Alluras apartment. Hunk should be making a cake for their anniversary.” Pidge smiles, patting their backs and walking out.

“Listen I-“

“Don’t.” Lance mumbles, sliding back into the booth and watching Keith take Pidges previous spot.

“No let me. I’m sorry Lance, I wasn’t thinking then. I was so caught up on being in my first relationship that I completely disregarded our friendship and that wasn’t right for me. I knew your family were hard on you and I knew what you were going through at school, I was just so occupied by my own life that I kind of just, pushed you away and I’ll never be able to say how sorry I am.”

Lance stares at Keith for a moment before speaking. “It still hurts sometimes, not as bad but the ache is still there. I always wonder what I did wrong, why people never seemed to like me. Why did all of my friends from middle school do that? Why did Plaxums boyfriend say all of those nasty things about me and why did everyone believe them? Why did Rolo just stop talking to me as though that whole year had meant absolutely nothing and why did my bestfriend choose some girl he had just met over me?”

Keith opened his mouth to speak but lance holds up a hand to stop him.

“I spent the last few months of my senior year with some friends I had because obviously I had friends I wasn’t alone all of the time. There were classmates I had and people I was acquainted with but no one I really cared about, or anyone who cared about me. I spent that time wondering why my family just didn’t seem to care about me, why everyone else got to feel happy and everything had been just a constant stream of blah for me. But then I graduated, got a job, moved out and met pidge and Hunk my first year of college. The three of us moved in together and things were finally looking up and now I feel so loved but you were always missing Keith. I missed playing soccer every Christmas eve on our lawns. I missed our movie nights, our bike rides around the neighborhood. I missed playing dinosaurs but mostly, I just missed you.”

Lance looked at the tears falling down Keiths face and shook his head.

“Don’t cry Keith.” He sighs.

Keith grabs his hand from across the table and smiles at him brightly. “I missed you too Lance. Every single day. When I found out from matt that his little sister was rooming with you my heart skipped a beat. And when he told me that Pidge has asked for my number because you wanted to meet up I was so scared Lance.”

“Why?”

“I had no idea what you wanted to say to me, but you apologizing was the last thing I expected.”

“I was wrong to blow up at you that day. I took out all of my anger on you, it wasn’t right.”

“That’s true, but I was your best friend and I should’ve been there for you.”

They sat in silence for a moment before lance spoke up.

“Well now, we’re getting a second chance at this. At.” He pauses gesturing between himself and Keith. “Us.”

“We are.”

“Let’s not fuck it up this time ok?” Lance grins giving Keiths hand a squeeze once again. Keith smiles, standing up and pulling lance up to his feet as well.

“Ok.” He grins, gripping both of lances hands and intertwining their fingers. “Let’s not fuck it up this time.” Lance really loved it when Keith held his hands, but when Keith pressed his lips to Lances. Lance decided, that the only thing he liked more than when Keith held his hands, was when he did it while kissing him.


End file.
